the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
