Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
