Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
