I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
