she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
