if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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