I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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