Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
