No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
