I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
