do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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