i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
