I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
