im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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