I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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