I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
