somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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