why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
