i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
