What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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