in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
