I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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