I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
