You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
