I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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