he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize