It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
