I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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