Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
how drunk are you?
Several
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
