Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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