Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
