I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
