I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
