I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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