where am i from again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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