So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
