Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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