Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
