If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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