she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
