Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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