my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize