He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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