Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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