doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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