Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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