My underwear smells like fireworks.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
