I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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