I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize