Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
