i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
