If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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