mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
