I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
