You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
