White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
