sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
