After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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