my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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