I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize