Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
