bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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