im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
